too much pink?

my friend who shall remain nameless told me the blog is too much pink and it hurts his eyes. (im paraphrasing) .

so i promise to change layout soon :)

peris favorite nest

Peri Elizabeth, is a diva in her own right, shes three, sassy, and knows whos boss-herself. Peri Elizabeth started at my moms daycare when she was only four months old. From the day she started she has been slowly becoming my mom favorite child. My mom doesn’t just have an only child anymore, she also has Peri. I think slowly and gradually my mom is laying all her hopes and dreams on Peri because I have failed her over and over again.

Peri and I have countless encounters where I usually end up crying. Yes I know im the grown woman and shes the child. Peri just has this lovely effect ON ME. You see I think im threaten by a 3 year old, its sad but true. When my mom first met Peri and they had that immediate bond. I knew I was done for. My mom babying me, ends here and now forever.

My hair usually has a mind of its own. Having to tame it is an understatement. Since I work with children and they are not supposed to judge I usually have it up in a bun. If I straightened it everyday I would be bald right now. Anyways, one day I noticed Peri staring at me every curiously. So I asked her why she was staring at me. She looked me straight in the eyes and asked “ummm nu-nu does somthin live in your hair becuz its soooooooo big” my heart just about sunk when she asked me this. Maybe bc I was PMSing I got so upset or maybe because I was in genuine shock. Either way I responded as any normal adult would have done. “why yes peri, it’s a nest for birds” of course shes to smart and dignified to even respond to that so she did what she usually does when im talking, and walked away.

HBO

HBO

The one thing in my pathetic so called life that brings me great pleasure is the show TRUE BLOOD. Yes I kno its about vampires, and werewolves and all things that are not real but I secretly wish were. I started watching true blood because of a certain beautiful import from Sweden called Alexander Skarsgard, but as I started watching I got wrapped up in all the characters and the 800 different story lines. When the show went on hiatus I was upset but I wasn’t that worried because I knew they would show reruns every Sunday night until the the season 3 premiere . One can imagine how upset I was when I found out my father decided to cancel HBO bc "those bastards(cable company) only want to steal my money.” the state of shock I was in was not a normal one. Yes I could watch it online, yes I already watched season 2 and season 3 doesn’t start till june. That however, was NOT THE POINT. The point is the one thing that I actually looked forward to every week was taken away. WHY? all because my father didn’t want to pay the extra 67 dollars.

My dad does this every once in a while. He will be mad about something else, anything really and he takes it out on the cable company. He can be mad about what was made for dinner but mad enough and he lets the cable company have it. I feel sorry for the one person from dish network who gets to listen to my father rant for a good 15 to 20 mins.2 reasons I feel this sympathy 1. They probably cant understand him through his thick sri lankan acccent and 2. He makes them feel bad by saying things like “you, the company is making my blood pressure RISE with these high bills!“ the poor customer service representative who answered the call must be going through a range of emotions that first start out as guilt and slowly work towards anger. This seems to be a pattern with him. Every few months he will cancel MY favorite channels. I think its because secretly he wants me to be miserable.

I have become so wrapped in the show that I started to read the books. There are 9 books out. Each book is more or less based on each season of the show. I read all 9 books in about 5 days. This did not make my mother happy. she couldn’t understand what was so important in this book that I couldn’t put it out for 10 minutes to help her clean the floors. Needless to say when I tried to explain to her about the importance of “sookie and eric finally telling each other how they feel” she looked at me like a BELONGED in a mental institution. I tried to get her to read the books and all she told me was “ I dnt have time to shave my legs, you think I want to read ur damn books?’

IM IN A RUT2

MARCH-29-2010

My plan to write everyday has been a pathetic fail. Its not even as if I have anything better to do. Well I mean I guess watching hours of tv an eating TV dinners is pretty important. But today is a new day and its time to start a new me. I realize I say this every other week but this time I mean it. Im going to the gym today 1. To meet my best friend who works there and bitch about life and 2. To find out exactly how much it would cost my dear mommy for me to be a member. (VERY NICE of her to offer to pay but i know shes only doing it to get me out of the house more)

Im in a rut and this rut is called LIFE. Im not unhappy but I can stand to be a little happier with my life. Im not motivate to do anything anymore. Everything has become sooo mundane. I dream of living this amazing life, being surrounded by amazing people and doing amazing things all day, but in order for that to happen I must first do something fantastic of course, i do not know that this fantastic thing im supposed to do is but I will figure it out. I think that’s partly another reason im writing. I feel in the mist of all my ramblings, something great will form and come to life.

I must admit while I sit here in the car roasting half to death and writing, it feels almost therapeutic. Of course it could be bc I just turned the air conditioner on to full blast. I mean who knows. Either way im feeling pretty good.

the rut I'm in.

please excuse all grammar, and spelling errors :)

these are my journal entries and this blog is just for my short shorties/rants/rambling. these are all just a glimpse into my life.

MARCH-9-2010

Well I guess this is what its come to. I have to write down everything before I go insane. My whole life is a sham. I knew for a long time. This is the first time I said or wrote it down out loud. I guess I should start at the beginning. Well here it goes:

1. I hate my job. let me rephrase that i dont hate what i do, but i do hate working with my mother. Now i understand why people never go into business with their freinds and family. at the end of each day im ready to pull out my HAIR.

2. I hate that I have to resort to an arranged marriage. I guess deep down I am a romantic and the fact that I STILL havent found anyone is just starting to piss me off.

3. Im a hypocrite. I mean I guess everyone is to a certain extend but me more so that others bc im always on a soap box going on and on about people/society/culture and so on. yet, i do not follow anything of what i say.

that’s everything in a nutshell. God I sound suicidal. I just need to figure out my life/thoughts/future. I need to get away from my family and just escape. I can never fully be independent when everyone does everything for me. I know im more fortunate than most but seriously I cant help but wonder what it would be like if I didn’t have anyone to bail me out. by bail me out i dont mean from jail. i mean things like pay my high phone bills and parking tickets.

Im a good kid. Well I mean socially. Religiously and culturally I am definitely for sure going straight to hell first. From the outside everyone tells my parents how lucky they are to have such a great kid…my life would be a lot easier if i didnt live two lives but you see that would be hard to do. peer pressure is a horrible thing and makes one do things they regret but they learn from. on the other hand if i lived how my parents wanted me to i would never go out. i would wear shalwar kameez all the time and i would wear a hijab.

Being the only child adds pressure that one cannot imagine. I have to be perfect, I dnt have a choice. All my parents hopes and dreams ride on me. God it broke their heart when I told them I didn’t want to be a doctor I do not even want to think what would happen if I told them I just want to travel the world doing odd jobs wherever I go. It would seriously KILL my mother. I know it would. My father would probably look at me like he knew it was coming. i think i have disappointed him enough, i dnt think anything else i can say or do will shock him.

i will be posting more ramblings/rants shortly :)