a letter for me???

I am what some would call a paranoid mess. i myself like to think of it as me being a nervous wreck. whether im on a boat, a plane, or driving i panic. it was amazing that i even got my license. since i was 15 i have taken a total of about 7 or 8 permit tests. most people get their permits and in 6 months TAKE their drivers license test. i held on to it like some sort of shield.

finally i got the guts to take my license test when i was 18, yes thats right i PRACTICED driving for 3 YEARS.finally i got my license and everyone was shocked that i actually received it in my hands and was now legally allowed to function a moving vehicle.

so now being 22 years, i have done well in the accident and ticket department. maybe because i dnt drive unless i absolutely have to, or i wont drive far unless im the DD, or maybe bc i actually am a safe driver contrary to popular belief. i think people in the passenger seat panic bc i panic-not bc im an unsafe driver.

this pre story brings me to my next story. the day i got a ticket.
last summer i was preparing for my trip to the native land aka sri lanka alone. first time traveling alone and internationally. i was trying to prove to my parents that i was a big girl, that im independent, and responsible. all that was shot to hell the day i got a speeding ticket.

i was at my freinds house when i realized i was already about 15 mins late for work. so like a mad dash i frantically left her house and was ZOOMING down a 35 mph at 75 mph. when suddenly i realized i had just DASHED past a cop on a motorcycle lurking in the bushes like a creeper. my first thought was maybe he didnt see me because i was going so fast, then my second thought was who the hell am i kidding , he saw me bc now hes following me. so of course i pulled over, my palms were sweaty and my heart was beating a million beats per second.

me: hello officer
creeper cop: hi mam do you know why i pulled you over?
me: of course, i was speeding, because i was late for work...NOt that you care
creeper cop: i dont care, and you were going 75 mph
me: ohhhh was i? huh well im late
creeper cop: let me see your license and registration please
me: okey dokey.

for a minute i thought he would feel bad for me, for a minute i thought about crying but when i looked in my rear view mirror and saw him ripping out that dam ticket i knew i was done for. he handed me my ticket and went on his way to find the next bush for him to stand guard at so he can spring up on someone else. i sat in the car for a minute or 2 and then immediately called my best friend to tell her what happened. once i got done telling her she immediately started laughing and said "you were speeding? what did u go 5 miles above the speeding limit?" the ironic thing is i do not even speed and the ONE time i do, i get busted.

going home i knew i couldnt tell my father, he was already on my case about how i dont wash dishes and im a child and wouldnt be able to function without him and my mom. i knew i couldnt tell him because i knew he was right and also because he would probably end up paying for the ticket, why? because i have a shoe habit to support and thus because of this always broke.

the time finally came for me to go to sri lanka. i was packed, organized, and ready to be on my way. at the airport during my last goodbyes i handed my father a letter. he was soo touched he actually hugged me (my family is not the affectionate type). all the while i left so guilty bc i knew what was in that letter, it was not a cute i miss you guys note, it was my speeding ticket and a letter begging them not to be mad.

once in sri lanka, settled in and unpacking i figured since i have given my parents a few days to simmer down i can call them and ask them how they reacted to my letter. needless to say my mom thought it was cute and funny in a "only her daughter would do this kinda way" my father on the other hand, was NOT amused. he told me my little "gift" cost him 300 dollars and my insurance to hike up, i kindly reminded him this was a small price to pay to keep his ONLY child happy and then he said some words i cannot repeat.

conversations wit my mama

marriage seems to be a hot topic with my mama these days, and i love messing with her.i love to give her these scenarios because her faces are priceless.

me: mama if i married some famous actor what would you do?
mama: um well um what????
me: would you be shocked?
mama: umm YES
me: like happy shocked, mad shocked , or disappointed shocked?
mama: umm disappointed
me: would dada be mad?
mama:YES, what do you think?
me: would you forgive me?
mama: well i would have no choice rite....
me: would dada?
mama: no he would probably never talk to you again
me: oh well ...um ok but you would rite? wait of course u would HOW else would u see ur cute Hybrid grand babies???!?!?!?!

meeting my maker

For most people meeting their maker would be the conversation they have with God once they die. For me meeting my maker is going to see my grandma once a year in the native land. it’s the strangest thing, shes SHORTER than me, has a lion’s mane for hair like me and is probably the most creative person I know. Its amazing how she can cry and guilt me into doing certain things but without fail, like clockwork it happens every year.

My grandma is the shortest nicest and most intimidating person I know. I am not the kind of person to take orders from anyone. But she has this sick twisted hold over me and I always do as im told. When I first started my trips back to the native land, I would do everything she told. Over time I have learned what I can get away with and what I definitely have to follow: Be polite to old people with no teeth who make fun of me, always wear jewelry, cover my head, sit with my hands placed on my lap and most importantly; if ever invited to someone’s house ALWAYS eat what they offer unless you want to feel grandma’s wrath. My grandma doesn’t find my sense of humor funny, she doesn’t understand what being sarcastic is and she always wishes I was a boy so that she can excuse my temper to people. I know in some twisted way she does love me, but I also so she wishes she could mold me into being the perfect grandchild that does not embarrasses her in front of her sri lankan super religious friends. She also now knows if ever we are “talking loudly and disagreeing with each other” all she has to do is cry, it is not even as if her feeling are hurt, its her way of ending the disagreement without saying im sorry. This seems to be a pattern with the older sri lankan generation.

Over time I think my grandma has realized its just not worth telling me certain things because im as stubborn as a mule and I do not care. But God bless her it does not stop her from trying.

love-hate

Tosh who is probably the sweetest and kindest 3 year old one will meet and he’s in fact in love with Peri. Peri and Tosh have the best love-hate relationship I have seen in my 22 years of life. Tosh and peri call each other their boyfriend and girlfriend. it’s the cutest thing. Except I know they will probably end up getting married. You see it’s a perfect relationship. Peri tells him what to do and he listens. I think only once I saw tosh say no to peri and that threw the whole relationship off balance. The whole day was out of the norm after that.

Men should be in on a little secret its called “ we don’t really care what you say or think, because we will do what we want anyways.” you see peri has perfected this to an art. She will listen to tosh like she is going to do what he wants but somehow will sweet talk him into playing with dolls or playdough. Tosh secretly knows he is being conned but doesn’t care. He loves peri that much. Hes a smart man, he knows never to piss off the one you love.